Hello Stranger

Have we met? do i know you? have you seen my cigarettes? I have a
matchbook that some swede bloke called Igor gave me last night at the
bus stop, but buggered if i can find my smokes.I think i left them on
the stand in the corner of the world. Can i bludge one off you? do you
smoke?. geeze its hot, but thank god for sprinklers!.
I was in the toilet just now, and guess who i saw?, GLENN MILLER!!, he
said "how do i get out of here???" i said, "it's too late love, the
wars over!". He hadn't seen my cigarettes. So i went to the bloke that
stands on the corner rattling his tin for money and said "hey man, if
i put some change in your tin, can i bludge a smoke?" he said "no",
then asked if i would "please help support the cancer foundation" by
donating some of my pocket weights, i said "fuck off cowboy!, if it
wasn't for people like me you'd be out of your tin-rattling job!, you
should be giving me that rattle tin so i can purchase some bloody
smokes and inhale the poison to relieve me of the toxins, and so
you've got a bloody corner to stand on and a rattle tin to rattle!.
Here, I'll give you a match and the address of a really good fish
monger called chippo". He refused and said he hadn't seen my
cigarettes. Just then i saw a man, standing in a 4th story window,
threatening to jump, he had a smoke in his mouth, my eyes lit up like
a rabbit caught in a road trains headlights. Everyone was screaming at
him to step back inside. so i waited for a break in the noise and
screamed "JUMP! YOU FUCKER!! JUMP!!" the police took me to one side,
they asked "what the fuck are you doing???, do you want to see him
dead? the silly fucker will plummet to his death" i said "No, i just
thought it would be quicker if he came to me so i can ask him if he
had seen my cigarettes and if not,i could bludge one off him". They
both shed a tear and gave me a hug and then sent me on my way.i
ended up here, back in the corner of the world, i couldn't find my
cigarettes they weren't where i thought i left them and my toupee was
hungry, do you have any spare cumquats? they are its favourite. so I
sat down at my window here, typing a post to you.

Hello, my name is Mr Floppy.
Have you seen my cigarettes?
Do you have any cumquats?
--
Mr Floppy