A day in my life

4:59am: Wake up from wet dream of Sweaty Balmer

5:00am: Beat off again.

5:01am: Go back to sleep

7:05am: Alarm rings. Hit snooze.

7:10am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

7:15am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

7:20am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

7:25am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

7:30am: Alarm rings again. Hit snooze again.

9:00am: Wake up to realize alarm was shut off instead of snooze. Now
I know that I am late for work.

9:05am: Sex with my sister. hey she was my first.
Actually, she has been my only. No one else will touch me (mental note to
self - take more than one bath every two weeks).

9:15am: Dress fast, put on paper hat to report to Burger King.

9:20am: get to work and bitched at all day by 17 year old kid for a
boss.

5:00pm: Get home. Burp burger, thinking of the shambles that I
call my life.

5:10pm:My Mom comes up and slaps me. Hard too. It
hurt and I cried out, "Damn it ....what the hell is your problem. I didn't
go to sleep til 3am, I need to get some sleep now" She reminds me that I am
babysitting my retarded sister (Retardness runs in our family. Thank goodness it didn't
skip me). Oh crap. I had some serious plans. Newsgroup plans. Damn it.

5:15pm: Get on line. Go through messages from comp.os.linux.advocacy I am
trolling. Find messages in response to my prior posts.

5:20pm: Giggle as I think about the other person being all pissed
off.

5:21pm: Suddenly I remember the mail and see if the PKB's or
IKYABWAI's I ordered came in.

5:22pm: Seeing they did not, I do the best I can, and post with my four word vocabulary to demolish them.
After all, people are still astonished and bow to my superior intelligence when I
yell "Sweaty Balmer, Billy-Butt-Crust, wintroll, and guffaw!!!", it really has them beat, now everyone
is emailing me asking me to fuck off, they must be jealous of my superior vocabulary.


5:23pm: I pat yourself on the back for causing mental anguish all
over the world with my posts.

5:24pm: I see someone went and dared to try to top me by being
clever so I trash their ability and say they are not funny.

5:25pm: I work on a post that is a tirade of multiple responses.

6:30pm: I hit the post button patting myself on the back for
being so clever.

7:00pm: Someone accuses me of not having a girlfriend. I post a
pic snagged from alt.pics.girlfriend and claim she is mine.

7:10pm: I check messages on alt.sex.bestiality for real
stimulation.

7:20pm: I check messages on your server and respond to 210
accusations of net abuse by saying I were only joking.

8:00pm: What's up with all these people laughing at me when I say that I use Solaris?
That sparked laughter all over the group, someone said that I don't have enough brain
cells to run solaris, I told him hey I can use my dad's computer, and it has solaris installed, so who
are you calling stupid?

9:00pm: I go into all the groups and respond to everyone I
suspect of filing the reports of net abuse with insults.

9:10pm: I loose your connection in the middle of posting.
Infuriated, I call my ISP and complain for an hour, getting restored
service by saying the abuse was due to my "son" and after
I promise to keep him off the computer from now on as I only
use it for work.

10:20pm: I leave more posts to people you suspect of turning in
net abuse reports.

10:30pm: Someone leaves a message saying what I said upset them a
lot. I laugh and leave an even worse post knowing they will
cry when they read it.

10:31pm: A guy who really pisses me off left a superior post to
mine so I call him a fag.

10:40pm: I get a response asking why I did not respond with
something relevant to the conversation so I check his
history and post a fag response to everything he has ever
posted including his original in alt.test.

1:00am: I notice the time and realize I need to get some sleep.

1:15am: A guy in a tech group complains that I am disrupting to the
group and looses his cool, calls me name so I turn in an abuse
report on him.

2:00am: I troll the group alt.troll but get out fast when I
realize I am outclassed.

2:30: Saw my sister laying there and decided to roll her over in
her sleep and do her. Couldn't get it up. Same thing happened to me all damn
day. I know I said I did her and got her to give me a bj, but I lied. I
couldn't get it up then either. I almost got it up when Dad did me in the
ass, but couldn't quite muster a full fledged 4 inch woody. Oh well, maybe
next time.


3:00am: I notice the time and realize I need to get some sleep.

3:20am: I troll at.fan.country.music but leave because you
realize I am outclassed again.

3:30am: I go back and read all that I posted and giggle over
causing so much mental anguish with my hard work, pat myself on
the back for a job well done.

3:45am: One more blowjob from my sister. I would give her head
more often if she would only clean her skankyness out every once and awhile.

4:00am: I finally shut down the computer and collapse into bed
with print out of the picture from alt.pics.girlfriend and beat off.

4:01am: I fall asleep.

--
Guffaw!! I suck cock from open source because it's free!

GreyCloud wrote:

Well I'll be damned! That's a whole lot better than I had imagined.

--
Diogenes

Diogenes wrote:
rofl !

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

GreyCloud <mist@cumulust.com> wrote:

[..]
[..]

Thx, now I know at least what your intentions for forging news
and impersonating others in this newsgroup are. Looks like I need to
cancel more of your crap, however I'll wait until there's enough.

Here are the headers from your last post, impersonating me:

Path:
news.t-online.com!newsmm00.sul.t-online.com!newsfeed00.sul.t-online.de!
peernews3.colt.net!news.it.colt.net!itgate.net!new s.linkpendium.com!
Spring.edu.tw!news.nctu.edu.tw!netnews.eranet.net! news.ttn.net!netnews.hinet.net!
news2.telebyte.nl!news-fra1.dfn.de!newsfeed.hanau.net!newsfeed01.sul.t-online.de!
newsmm00.sul.t-online.com!t-online.de!news.t-online.com!not-for-mail
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
[Astonishing how many hops a post from news.t-online.com to
news.t-online.com needs, through the whole world, albeit it's the
same box, you need to do better then this!]

Message-ID: <sx999sid9kks0c.fpn.ln@news.heiming.de>
From: Michael Heiming <michael@heiming.de>
Newsgroups: comp.os.linux.advocacy,comp.os.linux.misc,gnu.misc .discuss,alt.os.windows-xp

The typical cross-posting...

Subject: Re: Repost - To The Vote
Date: 11 Feb 2004 19:12:18 GMT
References: <y0M0x3eCc7cu4CCD53EARoFpwc1llWfh@sun.kbs.net>
Lines: 20
Organization: huhu
NNTP-Posting-Host: 61-221-128-176.hinet-ip.hinet.net

In the header of the post I'm replying there's the same host.

[..]
As if you would use such a superior piece of sw.
LOL

- --
Michael Heiming (GPG-Key ID: 0xEDD27B94)

Remove +SIGNS and www. if you expect an answer, sorry for
inconvenience, but I get tons of spam.
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: GnuPG v1.0.7 (GNU/Linux)

iD8DBQFAKpQ6AkPEju3Se5QRAjbEAJ9SH0k70oIU79TwCeamfI XwPAh+TQCeJ7lf
Ds+oiXjk4mCHsQituMYq6fE=
=5Mpd
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

GreyCloud <mist@cumulust.com> wrote:

[..]
[..]

Thx, now the know least at what your intention for forgering newspaper
and personating and others in newspaper group are the. Looksing like the
need I to cancel more of your crap, however I'll wait until there's enough.

YES I HAVE THE SAID I CANCELLING OTHERS' MESSAGES!!

If you the fucking make personations of me and I because will
for CANCELLING YOUR POSTS.

The emailing mine address is: michael@heiming.de

The you I dare to make post complainting to my ISP that I'm am cancelleding
of POSTS to OTHER POEPLE!

- --
Michael Heiming (GPG-Key ID: 0xEDD27B94)

Remove +SIGNS and www. if you expect an answer, sorry for
inconvenience, but I get tons of spam.
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: GnuPG v1.0.7 (GNU/Linux)

iD8DBQFAKpQ6AkPEju3Se5QRAjbEAJ9SH0k70oIU79TwCeamfI XwPAh+TQCeJ7lf
Ds+oiXjk4mCHsQituMYq6fE=
=5Mpd
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----

"GreyCloud" <mist@Cumulust.com> wrote in message
news:ex0hWb.sdd712$ss.22448@bcandid.telisphere.com ...
Dont take the piss- I worked for McDonalds for a year..

--
Declan Swan


--
Your free insult:
Thou divaricating, saccharising, run-down hose bag bedridden blacksmith

GreyCloud wrote:

Excellent polemic on sodomy, pedastry, incest and Burger King - with
some trolling thrown in for fun.
You guessed it:
<snipped> ;-)

(Learn, guys)

A name pops into my head unbidden: it's ... it's ...
NO!
I will not utter his name!
I refuse to acknowledge the existence of the babybasher who writes code
to do his handjobs for him - badly!
I won't!


--
Jeroen Geilman

Analog bits courtesy of adaptr.

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

[Michael Heiming <michael+USENET@www.horning.de> wrote:]

Message was signed by Michael Heiming (Remove +SIGNS and www. to
contact me!) <michael+USENET@www.heiming.de> (Key ID: 0xEDD27B94).

Warning: The signature is bad.

Before he forged again this post, impersonating me, but it doesn't
work out, anyone clever enough to set his nntp sw to check for
gpg signature can see on the first view that it was just again
some sad troll impersonating someone else.

- --
Michael Heiming (GPG-Key ID: 0xEDD27B94)

Remove +SIGNS and www. if you expect an answer, sorry for
inconvenience, but I get tons of spam.
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: GnuPG v1.0.7 (GNU/Linux)

iD8DBQFAKqA0AkPEju3Se5QRAmKgAJ9p8PoxvJ0ZMKNRhxQqm3 a9CZft1ACgsOQv
w1HahxEBXUbXgCZvkQisCIc=
=akeu
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----

Michael Heiming wrote:
<-- snip -->

Below is the header from your original post claiming you
have been cancelling other people's posts. Please note that
I will forward a copy of your original post to your ISP, complete with
headers and control.cancel messages. Your abusive use of control
messages is a direct violation of T-Online's TOS and your account
may be cancelled as a result.

<-- header from original post admitting to cancelling messages -->

From: Michael Heiming <michael+USENET@www.heiming.de>
Newsgroups: comp.os.linux.advocacy,alt.os.windows-xp,comp.os.linux.misc
Subject: Re: Guffaw!! A typical day in my life
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2004 21:44:48 +0100
Message-ID: <084e0c.eiu.ln@news.heiming.de>

I have taken the liberty to save this post in case he decides to cancel it.
I have also taken the liberty of logging control.cancel from now on and will
report any abusive cancellations because I am appauled by this sort of abuse.
That Michael Heiming must be stopped. He has become worse than an abusive
drunk who beats his wife and kids all day.


<--- here is the original message below --->

From: Michael Heiming <michael+USENET@www.heiming.de>
Newsgroups: comp.os.linux.advocacy,alt.os.windows-xp,comp.os.linux.misc
Subject: Re: Guffaw!! A typical day in my life
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2004 21:44:48 +0100
Organization: huhu
Lines: 61
Message-ID: <084e0c.eiu.ln@news.heiming.de>
References: <ex0hWb.sdd712$ss.22448@bcandid.telisphere.com>
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
X-Trace: news.t-online.com 1076532351 03 32493 ukUYGnGJTsQR1Qr 040211 20:45:51
X-Complaints-To: usenet-abuse@t-online.de
X-ID: V9RgPUZ6QevO7wHPPoGdJXo+6Q0NY623tHPxzZgdjfq0YPR+sr q3Uz
User-Agent: tin/1.7.3-20031220 ("Taransay") (UNIX) (Linux/2.4.22 (i686))

Michael Heiming wrote:

Peter Köhlmann wrote:
Idiot.


--
Your free insult:
Thou baring, mopping, low-pressure airhead dead hippo

Peter Köhlmann wrote:
Idiot.


--
Your free insult:
Thou flourishing, straitening, stereoscopic pigeon draconian hippopotamus

Peter Köhlmann wrote:
Idiot.


--
Your free insult:
Thou hydrating, thrilling, sunbaked scantling forgettable hog sucker

Peter Köhlmann wrote:
Idiot.


--
Your free insult:
Thou laving, abrogating, asinine grease ball horrid hick

Peter Köhlmann wrote:
Idiot.


--
Your free insult:
Thou rendezvousing, deflouring, all-out sucking chest wound phlegmatic boil on the arse of humanity

paul cooke's tax attorney wrote:


You are aware that anyone is justified (and allowed) to cancel *any* post
made in his name?

Idiot
--
Windows was created to keep stupid people away from UNIX."
**--*Tom*Christiansen

Peter Köhlmann wrote:
Do I have to pull your underwear over your head again, little brother??
The last atomic wedgie left you with lint rash for weeks.

Peter Köhlmann wrote:
Don't make me come over there and pull your underwear over your
head. For your sake, I hope you changed your knickers this month.
We wouldn't want a repeat of what happened last time. Mom won't
buy that "chocolate pudding on your face" story again.

--
Peter refuses to have a battle of wits because he's an unarmed.

paul cooke's tax attorney <paul@lbogus.email> wrote:
Yep, for posts impersonating me, faking my gpg signature and containing
shit-loads of crap, with my name below!

Now what kind of anonymous clown are you? Or is it just "GreyCloud"
again with another account?

Forward what you like, they'll have a good laugh.


--
Michael Heiming (GPG-Key ID: 0xEDD27B94)

Remove +SIGNS and www. if you expect an answer, sorry for
inconvenience, but I get tons of spam.

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

paul cooke's tax attorney <paul@lbogus.email> wrote:
Yep, for posts impersonating me, faking my gpg signature and
containing shit-loads of crap, with my name below! Which is
perfectly legal for me to do.

Now what kind of anonymous clown are you? Or is it just
"GreyCloud" again with another account?

Forward what you like, they'll have a good laugh.


- --
Michael Heiming (GPG-Key ID: 0xEDD27B94)

Remove +SIGNS and www. if you expect an answer, sorry for
inconvenience, but I get tons of spam.
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: GnuPG v1.0.7 (GNU/Linux)

iD8DBQFAKqmYAkPEju3Se5QRAha7AJ4g8JqHjnP2clxmSYTLPN bLsyKFVgCgxzUP
5XDJ/KjphLZzfk2vWYOTa4A=
=esez
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----

In comp.os.linux.misc Peter Koehlmann <Peter.Koehlmann@t-online.de> wrote:
No he isn't (aware), and yes he (the other he) is (justified and
allowed).

That bit's right! Could PCTA please upshut? Thank you.

Peter